Pressure to stay positive may be a negative for cancer patients – charity

[Andy]

Part of the downside to the positive thinking movement.

The perceived need to “fight” cancer and remain positive is having a negative effect on people living with the disease, especially those with a terminal diagnosis who are not getting the right support for the end of life, a charity has said.

Research by YouGov found that three-quarters (76%) of people with cancer said they had thought about the fact they may die from the disease. But Macmillan Cancer Support said its research showed there were a number of barriers preventing honest conversations about dying from taking place.

It said one of the biggest barriers to introducing conversations about dying was the pressure to stay positive, even when patients received a terminal diagnosis.

Of the people surveyed who had spoken to their healthcare team about dying, only 19% said the conversations were initiated by a health or social care professional.

Furthermore, a quarter of people with cancer said they had not shared their thoughts about death and dying with anyone due to the pressure to see themselves as a “fighter”.

https://www.theguardian.com/society...may-be-a-negative-for-cancer-patients-charity

 

[Hell..hath..no..fury...]

After the initial shock when i was diagnosed. I had a good cry then just got on with it; not because i’m strong or a fighter but because i had to minimise the devastating impact that constant hospital visits and operations had on the ME. My only pressure to stay positive, came from myself thankfully and was ME related more than anything.

Talking about dying was never classed as a negative when i had it, if i lived, then yippee, if i died, then farewell at long last you sadistic ME bastard. So either way was a win in our eyes.

My only concern was surviving but being plummetted back to being a paralysed ME vegetable after it was all done.
That would have been a royal kick in the teeth, but I was very lucky, that never happened.

I was also lucky that death wasn’t an elephant in the room to be avoided, it was all pretty much just ‘matter of fact’ and what will be will be; which definitely helped.

 

[Mij]

The most important gift you can give to someone who is dying is to listen to them and give them support. Respect their feelings.

It's the therapy and meds that 'fight' the cancer. Ultimately we have no control.

 

[Invisible Woman]

I think it's unbelievably cruel not to allow the sick, dying or vulnerable to express and discuss how they really feel.

I had an elderly friend, she had two daughters but had already buried her husband, a son and most of her friends. She was in reasonable health as long as she didn't do much. Joint and back pain made her very unsteady and unable to do much beyond the basics. When she was in her late 80s she decided she'd had enough, she didn't want to go into her 90s, though she didn't plan on taking matters into her own hands.

Understandably, her daughters didn't want to talk about her death so she talked to me. At first I didn't want to talk about it either, but she explained she wanted and needed to talk about it. No one else in her life would, so we did.

My friend has been gone a few years now. I realized that I learned and benefited from those conversations as much as she did.

When will mental health and other medical professionals understand that certain emotions and thoughts are not necessarily unhealthy in themselves and that suppressing the expression of those emotions and thoughts isolates us and inhibits our personal growth and development?

edited - spelling