BBC: I made a film from my bed to prove my illness is real - Jen brea

Hate to be the Danny-downer here...

While it is a great review, especially coming from the BBC, and truly a GREAT documentary, the picture of Jen and her husband in bed (about halfway down the page) looks almost like an photo one would see in 'House Beautiful' or dare I say, Oprah's 'O' magazine.

Too posed, too relaxed, and almost too "glamorous"...like they're in some ad for a high-end hotel. No doubt the producers suggested they needed that kind of image to get pull the public in, but it does us a disservice in that it may send the wrong message if one just glances at the article without reading the details.

 

I didn't really see it that way @dannybex. OK, so maybe it is a bit posed and artificial, but to me - and many others I think - it is more a statement, telling a story in a picture, than intending to be taken 100% literal. Just getting across that they are a fairly young, loving couple, whose lives are thoroughly messed up on every level by ME and society's attitude to PwME. You, as an ME sufferer, are on the inside looking out. The film, and these articles on it, are aimed at the people on the outside looking in; as a person who does not have ME (my wife does), I believe they are the people who most need to be educated.

 

Thanks Val and Skippa and I am happy to copy my review of Unrest to our new board. I should get to it over the weekend. Would you want me to start a new thread for this or put my review in this thread?

 

I hear what you're saying @Barry and agree in general, but I guess for me, it reminds me of the "But you don't look sick!" criticisms we get from friends, family members, etc., especially when compared to the scene in the film when Jen is convulsing on the ground as her husband struggles to help her. That to me, is a far more powerful and impactful image than the posed one, where, IMO their lives don't look too 'messed up'.

 

It'd be cool to start a review thread for Unrest in a new thread

Thanks

 

I liked it except for this bit:

I remain to be convinced there is a gender difference in terms the percentages of male and female partners who leave or stay around.

I remember looking at the membership list of a group I helped run. It had around 400 members. I didn't know the circumstances of all of them but did for a lot of them. When I totted up the figures, the percentages where a relationship had ended was pretty much exactly the same (to within one percentage point)

 

I remember reading some study which seemed to indicate that women were more likely to be abandoned. Can't remember to details now, but google found this Time article: http://time.com/83486/divorce-is-more-likely-if-the-wife-not-the-husband-gets-sick/

There's this older paper [edit: on cancer patients]:

http://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/10.1002/cncr.24577/abstract

The figures might be different for something like 'CFS', which brings so many of its own prejudices and challenges. I've certainly heard some horror stories about how both female and male partners have responded.

 

It also makes you wonder how much of that abandonment could be due to the supposed professionals/experts convincing people that it must be "all in their partner's head", and not really wanting to get better. Professional medical advice is a very potent influence, because an average person typically cannot imagine it to be wrong when stated with such "knowledgeable" assertiveness.

 

I didn't make it clear, but those figures were from a study on cancer patients. I haven't seen anything specifically on CFS, but I've heard from a lot of people about how the biopsychosocial stuff has led to problems in their relationships.

 

I would add that there would be a problem with extrapolating social data from the US and applying it to different cultures.

There is the whole area of social safety net and medical costs difference to most other European cultures.
I would predict that this alone would magnify any effects found, similar to if there was a study about unemployment instead of illness.

 

Here's a study with the numbers, percentages, and gender of carers.(UK) Table 1 shows the numbers.
http://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/10.1111/j.1365-2524.2008.00826.x/full#t2n3

Table 1

 

A lot of carers are not caring for their spouse. Also if a couple has somebody they want to care for the man may continue working or work longer hours compared to the woman while the woman does the caring.

 

I agree, provided we add unpaid labour before descriptions of caring in the context of caring and "work"

I'm just in an argumentative mood, and the quote from Jen rubbed me up the wrong way, both for personal reasons, and the fact I know of quite a few carers of both genders who are socially isolated, treated with contempt and ignorance by the DWP, and generally ignored by society.

Respite care, provision and support has been severely cut in my area, and there has been little comment from media or the general public, and it frustrates me.

An offer of a cup of tea and a chat isn't enough for all these people, of either gender or circumstance.

I noticed that even the census doesn't seem to collect data for carers under the age of 16, which is even more frustrating.

 

I do agree with that. A woman is still stereotyped in a way that looking after a sick husband is seen as "part of the role", more so than if the roles are reversed.

 

It may depend how things are defined. I think there might be at least as much if not more sympathy on average if a woman had to become the sole bread-winner for a family if a husband/male partner became unable to work than if the genders are reversed where a man might be more expected to take on that role.

 

I'm not a mod and I have the power to write in orange.