Plus of course it isn’t that - there are actual risks and threats.
people who don’t shut up have things done to them because‘how dare you’ or ‘you can’t say that’ or then actually believing you are mad (because one of you has to be given the differences in what you think) in revenge, to hurt them so they can no longer speak, in order that whatever they have said will not be heard or believed by others - and the more wrecked you are the more they can stop it and shut you up.
it’s missing the pint that if we don’t speak it is normally Because we literally can’t because of them
Ironic if people interpret that as psychological and shows how bad and paternal breadcrumbed we are that part git twisted by ‘someone kindly speaking for us’
they need to keep looking closer and asking for testimony about the actions of the perpetrators - because that’s where it is. There’s nowt ‘perception’ or ‘in the mind/body of’ like this recent reframing from the old days where people just said they kicked em until they literally couldn’t speak by didn’t need that metaphor because people knew if someone was v ill then abused so they didn’t sleep or get rest and treatment were shouted at their finances attacked and told to run through hoops that made them more ill for not enough to survive and so on they look wretched so the doc in a suit pints and says look at them stuttering and how incredibly unbelievable what they are claiming I just did is.
I.n fact I think they do and say things that are so bold and outrageous because they know you can’t tell on them because it would sound so bonkers just relating it - the worse it is the more others who should be stepping in sude against the person being attacked saying ‘surely not that’s far fetched that someone would do that’
In fact on that note that is why I slightly am sympathetic of some of the truly evangelised or saying wrong thing pwme who’ve been thru what is a process of foot on neck to point of destruction and knowing that will just be increased as you get more ill, to then have some slimy person who says they will start reducing their abuse (and abuse of others towards you) if ……. or pat on head (that you haven't had for years) if you say what I want you to, and I’ll give you a break and will let you survive ie have more paced life than before by not being at you and putting my foot on your neck and you just have to pretend it’s my ‘therapy’ and don't mention your illness.
which is why it IS the REAL behavioural psychology that has been at play here - making sure we are aware that we will be hurt and won’t have a survival path if we insist on having a reality too. Literal punishment and reward (or 'non-punishment' by meting out less punishment, patting on head and 'giving space because you are trying' if you agree to fake it) for reality vs hiding illness.
We all know our disability is incredible. ON its own it can be 100% of body function. And yet the disability abuse levied on top is for ME as big as that too. Making even more disabled. It is horrific.
So on the basis of those deliberate threats created and pushed further and more actively by BPS which cause direct harm by hitting where it would ruin any healthy person and specifically at the weak spots of ME by it being continual, that in itself is an exertion. And for each situation , and severity/personal circumstances there will be variation between the exertion and harm associated with what is directly wielded by them vs even the extensive disability from over-exerting to avoid/escape. And that says more about how extreme the abuse regime created/allowed is than how sensitive to exertion and how ill we are. And how eager/in need some are of kindness or recognition that they can disown themselves and reality - it
is better for them, and it isn't their fault it was
worse before or would return to that. They might have 'trauma' but its also for them at that point genuinely pragmatic to enter into that pact when the other person offers no choice that should be there as a human right.
Sadly because the illness doesn’t get changed by that just the person at best many of us have done that by no choice to some extent as a condition of less abuse to have some life with less abuse as a holiday but our health eventually goes and at that point it doesn’t matter what we say we’ve broken the contract by being so obviously ill that effectively is our body and appearance breaking the omertà they require.
So you get severe and it can be really nasty because just your face and body being how it is and not something you can now change or fake to 'perform and avoid the abuse' is like insisting on the existence of something (invisible illness as it is enforced to be becomes unhideable)
You don’t have that ‘safety net’ of being moderate and realising summarising all your adrenaline and tricks to walk yourself out of somewhere having not talked with a smile on your face to keep time and energy as short as possible so you can avoid asking for anything special like light adjustments somewhere to sit that works don’t end up needing a wheelchair or god forbid collapsing - but it all being safer to take the hit of months of payback and some deterioration than adding abuse on top by not playing the game and calling attention to yourself.
So they think we are all ok but it’s that threat.
I spent two days horizontal and mute resting for a dental appt prepped and survived the journey then waiting room then at pint of called in ‘oh we’ve switched to upstairs room are you ok with stairs’ . It was two flights I’d waited a year for something I was supposed to have done within a month or two of previous appts but other even more urgent-risk had meant that had been the earliest I’d squeezed it in. I’d still have payback from all that and journey back anyway and have to do it all again. Even if they were lovely you’d imagine someone kind finding another ground floor room would be a huge wait
I did the stairs and I think it’s a year on and the effects still last as it was several flights in an already over filled task.
but stupid people take that as ‘can’
and people only slightly better think I didn’t speak because of what?
